Posted by
Jennifer on Monday, March 02, 2009 9:08:31 PM
A Lesson in the Physics of Politics
New Element
Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known
to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons , which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons .
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4
years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes .
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass . When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much
energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as
many morons.